His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize