the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
