i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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