i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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