Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
