Yo dont text me then not text me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
