Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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