The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
