just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
