if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
