Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
