I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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