And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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