Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're like a lot better than the average bears
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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