wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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