The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
