I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We need to get me chipped asap
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
