Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
