I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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