Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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