He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize