I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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