I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
