I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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