3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
