You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
