hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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