Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
