if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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