She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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