All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
