Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
