True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
