the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
