All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize