I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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