if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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