Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
