he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
