I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
