google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
