I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
