Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
