hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am mentally ready for anal.
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