I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
