just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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