I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
