lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
