dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
