What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dear god my vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
