I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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