I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She bit a glass in half.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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