I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
