and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
