Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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