there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
