someone get that fucking seahorse.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
