Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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