How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
