And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
