420 ftw
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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