His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize