If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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