Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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