I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
