Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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