I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
