So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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