I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
